In our . . . let’s say, squirrelly world, it’s ordinary to feel guilty for letting loose to have purposeless fun. Do you know how to have fun anymore? Are you a wayside participant in play—an observer sitting on the sidelines watching others engage?

You’re not ordinary if you’re the best version of yourself. So why are you holding back?

Fire up that childlike zest for life again! It not only feels good, it’s good for you. Let’s revisit your favorite version of yourself and remember how to experience blissful joy again. No obligations to fulfill. No expectations. Zero purpose. 

I reflected on this question for myself recently. Shockingly, the tidal waves of overthinking came to a halt: I don’t know what’s fun to me anymore. Seriously. I couldn’t think of anything that sounded ultimately fun for me to go out and experience.

What’s “Fun?” — I'm Kind of a Weak Wing-Woman of Play

It occurred to me that in my roles as a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a woman, a fellow human being. . . that I am more of a passive observer of fun. And, frankly, I'm kind of a weak wing-woman of play with those I care about lately.

Somewhere over the years, I literally got lost in my roles, and I forgot how to have fun.

Sure, I laugh, smile, and enjoy being present in other’s playfulness, but I wasn’t choosing to participate in fun for myself. 

I subconsciously place limits on the level of fun I allow myself because of my roles as wife, mom, woman, etc. If I step back, I see obligations and expectations getting in the way of implementing active fun into my life. Our American culture prides itself on living fun often. However, it also influences expectations and obligations back into our minds regarding the aforementioned roles. 

As it turns out, I’ve chosen to invite these limits into my life over choosing to thrive through one of the most basic human needs: play. 

Glance at your phone and scroll your social media. Take stock of this simplified reflection: Those of us that participate in social media usually post when we allow ourselves to play—or to give the illusion to others that we’re having fun.

Clearly, experiencing fun is highly valued. So why aren’t we allowing play into our lives more frequently?

Play is a Basic Need — We Play So We Can Thrive and Become More Alive

Obviously, extraordinary fun cannot be experienced all day every day as social media portrays. Our need to provide for ourselves and our families, care for others, or even to simply rest usually take precedence. But the rub is, we need to consider play and practice it more often as a basic need. Why? It turns out play and having fun stimulate our brains and bodies to help master the rest of our basic needs. 

Remarkably, experiencing fun in both simple (games, hobbies, dancing, singing), and more elaborate fashions (travel, sports, roller coasters, cliff diving) can fulfill our purposes in our everyday roles to a higher satisfaction. Added bonus?

Daily obligations will feel more attainable as we humor our way through them. We play, even as adults, so we can thrive and become more alive.

— Three Reasons to Prescribe Fun for Yourself —

Science Says Having Fun is Good for Us

Let’s explore more about our warrantable need to experience fun, taking cues from fun expert, Dr. Michael Rucker, relationship experts, The Gottman Institute, as well as a podcast episode of We Can Do Hard Things by author Glennon Doyle. Here are three reasons science say you should prescribe fun for yourself: 

— Experiencing Fun Centers You in the Present Moment —

Dive Deep Into the Unbridled Curiosity of the Unexpected

As we grow older (groan), choosing to experience fun takes practice and dedication. We tend to settle into routines to meet our obligations at home, at work, and with family and friends. Routines help us feel in control, and that emotional control helps push us through some of the mundane tasks we need to accomplish daily. But that control may be holding us back, leading to a less satisfied feeling of happiness, sense of resiliency, and creative energy in our lives.

Play isn’t hard. Kids thrive on play. So why is it harder for many adults to practice? Experiencing fun through play requires us to be present in the moment.

When we’re out of practice, what we’re really saying is we're out of time in our long days, and likely exhausted from obligations and mundane routines we set to maintain control over our lives. 

Jumping back into fun can feel startling, like rebelling against all those role-played expectations and obligations we put on ourselves. Allowing ourselves to have fun again as adults is a deep dive into the unbridled curiosity of the unexpected.

When you’re experiencing a purposeless act of play, like dancing to your favorite song in the kitchen, paddleboarding on a beautiful lake, or playing a new game, you are fully engaged and connected to the experience.

You aren’t thinking about what comes next, you're just feeling uninhibited joy. Doesn’t that sound worth it?

— Fun is a Fountain of Youth for Your Mind —

We Strive to Work Hard in Hopes to Play Hard

Stress rules our culture. Oftentimes that stress propels us forward to great productivity. However, chronic stress takes its toll on our brains. In fact, it has the ability to age us physically, as well as cause memory loss, kill brain cells, even shrink our brain. It’s not healthy to let that pressure continue to build. 

Sometimes we focus our energy more on the hustle and end up causing more chronic stress than our brains care to handle. When working hard to play hard doesn’t pan out in the fun department, we try to self-prescribe resiliency tactics to renew our energy through things like positive thoughts, workouts, diets, vitamins, doctor visits, etc. 

All that certainly helps, and activities like workouts can absolutely be fun.

But the fountain of youth stems from our brain’s craving to learn and create through play all throughout our lives—an inherently human quality.

You see, we need practice in playtime to support neuroplasticity, the ability for the brain to form new, youthful pathways and connections as we age. 

Fun comes in many different forms because each person’s experience of feeling joy is unique. Aging gracefully is supported by engaging in fun hobbies and being open to new experiences. Both our brains and bodies are positively challenged mentally and physically when we react to enjoyable experiences and let go of that stress. In other words, when we engage in pleasurable experiences, we help those youthful pathways connect in our brains. These types of play practices stretch our brains to grow throughout our lives. Now that’s true resiliency!

— Fun is Good for Your Relationships —

Play Together, Stay Together

Fun also helps connect and bond us to one another. We have many needs that desire quenching to help us strive towards thriving and becoming our best selves. Some of these needs include the need to be seen and valued for who we are; the  need to innovate and create; the need to rest and recharge; and the need to relieve stress through play to rekindle joy. When these needs are met, we can gain a more positive perspective in our lives.

While all these needs are internalized for each of us individually, they are also often more valued when shared with others. Connecting with others through fun experiences is another remarkable way to bond with valued people in all realms of our lives. Whether in your personal relationships with family and friends, or with co-workers or clients, sharing a laugh or garnering a spark of fun allows others to see you in a more approachable light. It helps build trust, boost communication, and lets others know that you share something in common--even sharing something as simple as a friendly laugh together. 

“Fun really is a ‘we’ proposition, in the sense that it connects us to something outside ourselves.” —Dr. Michael Rucker

In your personal relationships, moments shared through play with your partner can lead to resilience in times of conflict. Finding time to play together can also help build lasting trust. In addition, it helps to keep the relationship fresh and intriguing. Relationship experts from The Gottman Institute, have devoted much time into the research of what keeps couples in successful relationships. Guess what? The couples that prioritize playing together tend to stay together. 

Jumpstart Your Playful Side

Do you remember your fun self? It’s time to get in touch with that fun-loving soul again, and to challenge yourself to expand on your fun side to connect to others more meaningfully. If you need help jumpstarting your play practice, reflect on this:

• Examine what activities bring you joy that are essentially purposeless—Find an activity where there’s no need to accomplish anything to participate in the activity, such as reading for enjoyment, not for study.

• Generally, do you prefer experiencing joy by yourself, or do you prefer sharing experiences? This may indicate your choice of more enjoyable hobbies and new experiences to begin exploring. Challenge yourself to try something enjoyable both by yourself and with others. 

• What does your favorite version of your playful self look like? Strive to carve out time to be that person more often. Remember, science says fun is a basic need that needs to be met to thrive.

Fun possesses a meditative spirit that anchors you in the moment. It’s an elixir of youth for your brain and your body. It’s sweet nectar for your relationships. And frankly, joyful, unbridled fun just feels good. We don’t need permission to have fun. It is within each of us to elicit the spark to let loose and let play take over. How will you begin to open up to more fun in your life and become the best version of yourself?

I hope to see you out there shining your light.